think-quilts » Why I’m not working on…

Only 4 more days…

admin — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 02:56:46 +0000

… and I’ll go back to the hospital and receive my 4th and last chemo. Let’s hope it won’t be too bad. I’ve noticed, that my body has more and more difficulties to handle the drugs. Even the promising “third week” was not really good. I’m constantly tired, really tired. I could sleep 14 hours a day, and still don’t feel rested.

I keep myself awake with small, mindless stuff in my sewing studio. Sorting fabric, finishing up small UFO’s, arrange scraps into a new pattern… Nothing really happens. Monday, it’ll start allover. Hope this time, the motivation of the “last chemo” will help me to get thru this easier. The lymphedema on my left arm is blooming up with every chemo cocktail. I can’t wait how it feels when the chemicals are finally worn off and my body belongs once again to me. How long is the going to take?

One positive thing happend this week: I didn’t need an aspiration at the second surgery site. Finally, the inner parts of the wound seem to heal up. Hope it stays this way.

Day 8 after…

admin — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 00:19:43 +0000

…my 3rd chemo.
The first one was hard on me. The second was a “piece of cake”, but the third is getting into me again. Seems my body doesn’t bounce back as easily anymore. New is that the last digit of my fingers hurt, not only the nails. It’s hard to pick up small items, or get a tight grip on something. No hand sewing right now.

So, I use my good BERNINA to krank out quilts for charity. This is the kind of “mindless work” my brain can manage, because Chemobrain has set in. I’m forgetting things, my concentration level is very low.
But even this has one big positive side effect: I’m getting rid of lots of unwanted fabric. Since I do nothing else for days in a row, I had to make a promiss to myself: Do NOT refill those bins just emptied!

2nd Chemo

admin — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 03:24:42 +0000

Fridays are quite busy at the IV section of the CancerCC. Within 20 minutes, 4 different people worked on my IV, and only one introcuded herself by name. t, it turned into 3.5 hours quickly gone by due the nice company of my husband and a visit from friend.

Today, day 3 after the treatment, I’m still in fairly good condition, probably thanks much better medication to control the sideeffects.

- And because of my very lucky status, I got something accomplished: I wrote several letters to very dear friends, and I finished a small quilt. Now, I found a leftover Xmas quilt project under piled up stuff on my desk. I’m actually finishing another UFO

I’m fine…

Lisa — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 08:47:48 +0000

… for 3 more days. Friday, it’ll start allover. Second round of chemo.

So, I decided to seize the moment and go tomorrow for the NW Flower & Garden Show. Let’s see how long I’m able to keep up, – I’m still getting tired easily.

Shaving day…

admin — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 23:10:44 +0000

…has arrived. It’s day 12 after the first chemo treatment, and my hair is falling out very sudden and rapidly. I suppose, from now on I’ll be bald for several months. Of course, as I expected, I’ll be without hair for my husbands and my own birthday.

On the bright side, no bad-hair-days anymore. Take a shower, dry it off with a towel, how easy is that.
And I can still go outside without freezing my head off, because a very nice friend made me a great hat.

Funny, – some 20 years ago, I sculpted my own head in clay, with all measurements taken with weird instruments directly off my real head, but I didn’t get to make the hair in time. The clay dried up too fast. It bothered me for so many years, I was almost about to make a wig for it. – I never thought, I’d be able to check one-to-one whether I did it all right

Great pain…

Lisa — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 01:28:07 +0000

… came for 10 long hours. The shots I got to raise more white blood cells caused, – intentionally- massive cell production in my bones, mostly in the pelvis and lower back. I’ve been warned about possible pain, but this was a lot of pain. Even a heavy pain killer barely covered the worst. The labor pain, while giving birth to each of my daughers (naturally, without any sedation), was compared to this “child’s play”.

Now, after this really bad night, the last shot was canceled and more blood work ordered. I wonder if it was too much, too fast, maybe it’s a matter of dosage. If I’d need more of this, most likely after the next cycles, I’ll have to have more pain killer. Maybe it’s just my stupid body which reacts so strong, I don’t know.

Side effects…

Lisa — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 01:56:32 +0000

…are plentyful. Now, as also expected, the day 5 wasn’t very good, but 6 is even worse. I’m experienceing lots of trouble with my night sleep, I’ feel like not rested at all. This leaves my back, muscles, bones and mind extremly tired.
Despite the anti-nausea drugs, everything in my abdomen is in brutal uproar. But the worst of all is the extreme heartburn. It’s like drinking pure acid. My tastebuds are gone, everything is as tasty as cardboard, especially all sour notes in fruit and vegies. I had a sip on red wine, gone too. It’s actually a really weird taste, it doesn’t even remind me faintly of wine. So – no desire to have a glass, whatsoever.
Today’s lab result clearly tells my white blood cell count is getting bad, so for the rest of the week, I’m getting shots to boost the production of white blood cells, without, I’m in danger for infections.

Yesterday, I still managed to be up for as long to sew me one pair of PJ bottoms, - leopard print! – Woah! Everybody needs a highlight.

One more week

Lisa — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 01:24:16 +0000

…and I’ll start chemo therapy. Not sure how it’ll impact me.

But before, the drain tube from the last surgery has to be removed, what a goal it that?!

Learning
small steps find their way, too
make a difference
all the difference
in my life.

2nd Surgery

Lisa — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 16:44:57 +0000

…went well, according to the doctor. Although, here again, the histology report sometime this week will tell the full story, hopefully no bad surprises.
My body clearly tells me to stay in my bed for healing. The incisions are quite big and a rather annoying drain tube is still attached. Also, the necessary painkillers prevent my brain from any thinking in a straight line… and they make me very tired, – kind of a weird feeling not being in full posession of all your senses. – Am I writing also weird stuff?

Short Addendum: yesterday, I got a call from the hospital; the histology report came back to my favor. Out of 12 lymph knots, only one had also cancer cells. THANK YOU, - now, that makes me smile!

Happy New Year!

Lisa — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 16:39:48 +0000

… and I’ll need a lot HAPPY. The last months where just awash: first in backbreaking work to get our house on the market, after my visit in at the IQF/Houston, were I had 2 quilts juried in, we moved and I finally got my studio(!), but here comes the downside: I also got diagnosed with breast cancer.
Since August, I’ve barely touched my sewing machine, just now after Christmas, I tried to sew something, – quite awkward.

…I’ll need a lot of happy. Friday, I’ll have a second surgery. Soon, chemo will start and my hair is going to fall out. It’s winter, I’ve to make me hats.
Before all that happens, I have to get back to my beloved sewing, I hope it’ll become my rock to hold on for sanity.

To everybody who is concerned about me, I’ll keep my trail posted.
Happy New Year!